The 5th Relationship Terminator – A LACK OF SELF KNOWLEDGE AND UNDERSTANDING
A lack of self-knowledge makes us vulnerable to making critical mistakes in our relationships out of ignorance. One of the most important things we need to understand about our relationships with others (inter-personal) is that they are very much an extension of our relationship with ourselves (intra-personal). It’s not just that the better we know and understand ourselves, the better we will understand others. But until we are able to fully accept, appreciate and love ourselves exactly as we are, we will not be able to accept, appreciate and love others for who they are because we simply haven’t figured out how to do that yet. We can only ever love another person to the same degree that we love ourselves.
“To love without knowing how to love wounds the person we love.” ― Zen teacher Thích Nhất Hạnh
“Before we can make friends with anyone else, we must first make friends with ourselves. – Eleanor Roosevelt
Understanding what drives and motivates us in great detail, puts us more in control of our lives, empowering us to make healthy choices and decisions that serve us and shape our lives the way we want live. Any emotional wounds, insecurities, fears, guilt, shame or self loathing that we have avoided dealing with, becomes buried in our subconscious and forgotten about. These buried and forgotten parts of ourselves run our lives and disrupt our day to day reality, because any time we feel threatened they are triggered into activity, seeking our attention so that we can work on healing them.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” – Carl G. Jung
“We meet ourselves time and again in a thousand disguises on the paths of life.” – Carl G. Jung
The more (self) knowledge and wisdom we gain and apply to our lives, the less chaotic disruption we experience as the lessons baked into our day to day experiences become less and less extreme and urgent, but more and more complex testing the limits of our wisdom. Although an increase in (self) knowledge and wisdom does translate into deeper, more fulfilling and sustainable relationships, it does not mean that there will at any point be no more challenges. There will always be new horizons to explore within an enduring partnership, but as we grow these challenges offer ever greater fulfillment and satisfaction.
